These are tips from a deconversion expert.
Christian parents facing the challenge of their children questioning or leaving the faith received guidance from relationship expert John Marriott during his recent appearance on Focus on the Family. Marriott, an author and former pastor, discussed the phenomenon of “deconstruction” within Christianity, emphasizing that it often involves a gradual erosion of beliefs rather than a complete rejection of faith.
According to Marriott, when children approach their parents with doubts about their faith, the initial response should be one of calmness and gratitude. Acknowledging the difficulty and importance of their child’s confession can strengthen the parent-child relationship, which Marriott views as crucial. He advises parents to listen attentively without judgment, asking open-ended questions to better understand their child’s journey.
“It’s important to listen more than talk,” Marriott stressed, noting that children need space to express their thoughts and feelings about their faith journey. He highlighted the significance of assuring unconditional love and support regardless of the child’s beliefs, affirming that parental love should transcend any differences in faith perspective.
Marriott also underscored the importance of parents living out their own faith authentically, demonstrating its relevance and sincerity through daily practices like prayer and Bible study. He cautioned against rigidly imposing all personal beliefs on children, suggesting instead a focus on core essentials of faith, such as those outlined in the Apostles Creed.
Additionally, Marriott encouraged parents to recognize the role of secondary authority figures—mentors or trusted individuals outside the family—who can provide valuable support and guidance to children navigating their faith journey. He emphasized the need for parents to balance support and respect for their children’s autonomy, acknowledging that overly restrictive approaches can sometimes lead to rebellion.
Ultimately, Marriott’s advice centered on fostering an environment of understanding, love, and open communication within the family. By demonstrating Christ-like qualities and offering unwavering support, parents can maintain a positive influence even as their children explore and potentially redefine their beliefs about faith.